~

How should I start this post? Heh, I guess it's already been started. 

Would you risk ruining what you share now, just to say what's your heart has to say?

I would. I know it's selfish on my part, but it's not a nice feeling having to keep it in. And what I have to say will just be a rehash of whatever's been already said. I guess that's why it's selfish, I'd rather put the emotional baggage on you than carry it myself. 

I keep asking myself why I'm so caught up with you. Could it be because you're the first person who I was so open with? If it was someone else I opened up to at first, would I not feel a thing for you besides pure friendship? I guess there's just something about you. 

I mentioned once to you how I hold you in such high regard and how there was this "imbalance" of how we value each other and you told me "well, you'll just have to deal with it.". It hurt. To treasure someone so dearly only to have them throw it in your face. Despite the number of times I've been "hurt", I still wanted you around, but it wasn't in the "sick, masochistic way", as if I'm addicted to pain. No. I wanted you around because no matter how upset I was, whether by you or other factors, you made it better. This isn't to say I'm entirely dependent on you to feel good about myself, but like I mentioned in the previous blog post, things seem *better* when you're there, not *good*, *better*. 

I want so much to tell you again how I feel when you come back. But then I'd just be selfish, and you'd think I'm someone who doesn't know when to quit when being told "no". 

No?